What is in our Hearts and our Children’s Hearts?
Recently, I was given an assignment and a challenge. The assignment was to not gossip, complain, criticize, blame, nor defend for a week. Do you think I was successful in keeping the assignment? No, I was not. The reason: In those times of misspeaking, I was living out of a posture of trusting in my own self-righteousness, rather than by faith appropriating my righteousness in Christ. For example, my criticizing, and complaining showed my desire to self-justify and to self-defend.While I have been saved for many years and understand my identity in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), my beautiful Vine/branch relationship (John 15:5), the impartation of Christ’s righteousness, and the role of the Holy Spirit, I still can be tempted to succumb to justifying myself through my tongue. This tongue assignment clearly showed me I need Jesus and the power of the gospel every moment of every day. From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. My heart-meter was clearly set on self-righteousness and self-justification rather than resting and abiding in my righteousness (my identity) in Christ.What is the implication of this for parenting? I will attempt to explain. Every sinful word or deed is a result of a heart issue. Your child’s behavior alone is not why Jesus came into the world. He came to redeem us from hearts that desire our own way; to redeem us from hearts that think we know better than God. He came to redeem us from the Fall - from our inherited sin-nature via Adam and Eve, and so on. Your child’s sinful speech or behavior is an opportunity to point him or her to Jesus and the cross. As Tedd Tripp says, “The focal point of your discipline and correction must be your children seeing their inability to do the things that God requires, unless they know the strength of God through the indwelling Holy Spirit. God’s standard is correct behavior flowing from a heart that loves God and has God’s glory as the sole purpose of life.” This quote might be worth writing down and posting. I need it also.Working in a Christ-centered elementary school for years, I would on occasion, see a child’s misbehavior and the subsequent visit to the principal’s office as an opportunity to share the gospel. Often, this child saw his or her need for a Savior. What concerned me was a child that could say all the right things, but deep down I could see glimpses of a heart that was conniving, manipulative, and unrepentant; however, when God broke through and tears of repentance flowed, I could see that God was taking that child one step closer to Himself.As you correct your children’s behavior, take time to get to the bottom of the issue that caused the sinful response. It will be a heart issue, and a wise parent will draw it out. It will take time; it will interrupt schedules and wreck your plans. Was it jealousy, idolatry, selfishness? May I caution you to be careful not to overlook the sin that was committed against your child in the first place, if that were the case (otherwise, a seed of bitterness could be planted), and that transgression also needs to be addressed. While we cannot control our children’s words or deeds, nor can we save them from sin, there is One who can.Therefore, as you model your own repentance and receive forgiveness and as you appeal to your child’s conscience, speak about the need for a Savior. Perhaps words and deeds that miss the mark may be the catalyst that enables your child to see his or her need for a Savior, a Redeemer. As you discuss the meaning of Redeemer, discuss the name of our school. This might open a beautiful conversation!
If you would like to reach out to Jeannie, you may email her at jbrostrand@redeemerdayschool.