Biblical Parenting - Part 1

Ephesians 6:1-4 says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it (life) may go well with you (child) and that you (child) may live long on the earth. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Colossians 3:20-21 also underscores these verses.

Were you trained to yield your will to the authority of your parents? Even if you were not, it is not too late to follow this biblical principle in your own family. A child’s first step in his or her journey with the Lord is obedience to Father and Mother. The word obey means to "stand under." Throughout Scripture, especially in Proverbs, we see that children are exhorted to obey their parents. When you need to remind your child of your directive say, “Do what Mama or Daddy says." In doing this, you are underscoring the role of the child’s earthly authority – you, the parent.

Teach your child the phrase for this is right which communicates how God designed the family. It is
imperative of you to follow up on your directive and see to it that your child obeys you. In doing so, you are shaping the character of your child and bending his will to that of your parental authority. This is training in a life skill – one that will affect personal and professional relationships as your child reaches adulthood. Busy schedules and hurried lives are culprits to teaching first-time obedience.

“Honor your father and mother with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long on the earth.” Obedience should be an action with an attitude of heartfelt respect toward the parent whom God put in authority. A child may not like to do what a parent directs him or her to do, but a child must obey due to God’s principle of standing under the parental authority and out of honor toward Father and Mother. Teach your child what it means to have life go well – doing the God-honoring right thing by obeying parents makes for a life without negative consequences = a life that goes well. A child needs to learn to defer to parents out of obedience, love, and respect. Teach your child those words.

And parents, show your child in word and deed that you obey God, your heavenly Father. Lead by
example, admit mistakes, model repentance, and thank God for His forgiveness and grace. As your child gets older, there can be an opportunity to discuss or appeal in a respectful manner, after obeying.

Adult children never outgrow the directive to honor their parents. Our son-in-law showed us honor and respect when asking for our daughter’s hand in marriage. We expressed our concern for the short courtship and the timing of the wedding. He immediately shared with us that he would bend his wishes to ours if waiting was our answer. We learned a great deal about our future son-in-law on that occasion.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Anger here means “to cause to lose control and rebel.” At times, necessary discipline may make a child upset and angry, but it is not provoked by the father (or Mother). It is a response of not getting his way. Because of immaturity, children do not always behave as they should when disciplined.

This anger is short-lived and is aroused by the specific sin-incident and subsequent correction. On the other hand, prolonged harshness or indulgence can cause a spirit of rebellion in a child. Children need to know that your compassionate discipline and correction is out of love for them and out of obedience to the Lord’s command on your life. It is good to teach this to your children.