Disciplining Children Still Tops the Charts
As you discipline, if you show frustration and impatience and “blow your top” out of fear, anger, embarrassment, or frustration, you might win the battle, but you have lost the war of training your child’s heart toward righteousness. If you speak out of a motive to shame or manipulate, pray that the Lord would work in your heart to shift that behavior toward leading your child to repentance and restoration. Yes, it’s exhausting work, but this is foundational to ultimately, faith in Christ Jesus.
Repetition with routines, consistency with expectations and consequences, parental emotional detachment, and patience are the keysI’m always interested in what our RDS parents are finding challenging throughout the preschool years and into elementary school. Last week, I took a survey and discovered that discipline remains one of the greatest challenges. While times are different, God’s principles remain constant, and Ephesians 6:1-4 remains true. In verses 1-3, children are told to obey and honor their parents (as God’s representatives). Then, the command is followed by a promise of well-being and blessing. Verse 4 tells fathers to not provoke their children to anger, but to give them instruction and discipleship. Discipline enforces boundaries and directives; discipleship trains the heart to know that the boundary-giver has the child’s best interest in mind, building trust. Here’s the catch: Once a parent’s impatience and frustration are shown, it becomes about the parent’s emotions, and the child feels empowered and realizes that “getting your goat” wins the day.
Let’s unpack this in a practical sense:
Talk to your children about what will happen when they obey. Ask them what it means when the Bible says that life will go well for them when they obey? Explain this and give examples.
Obedience begets a joy-filled heart and a confident, happy child. Common sense confirms this and so does the best research on parenting outcomes.
Keep consequences consistent and your standards for obedience the same each day. Inconsistency confuses a child and erodes trust in your word. KEY concept!
Let’s look at proactive discipline as discipling.
Anticipate the problem: for example, going to the grocery store – set up child for success by saying what is appropriate behavior: stay in the cart or walk beside me. Keep it simple; set the stage for your child to know what is expected.
Develop a strategy ahead of the problem occurring: If unruly behavior develops through screaming, constant whining, or cart-climbing, leave the store without groceries. Yes, that’s correct. Detach from showing anger and depart for home. Once home, give the child an opportunity to confess his or her sin and teach him to offer you an apology for not obeying and for sabotaging the trip. Yes, the child sabotaged the trip, not you. Time-out from play would be appropriate. This will communicate to your child that you uphold your word when you give boundaries.
Communicate the boundary limits to your child: If you and your sibling cannot play without fighting, then here is what will happen: for the young ones, separation and a cooling off. For older children, teach them to come to you only after they have gone to their sibling first. Parents, teach your children to repent and forgive.
to unlocking your child’s heart toward obedience. I would love to sit down with you, pray, and chat about any challenges you are having regarding discipline.
