Lessons Learned from Boyd Bailey
Chris Harper is the dad of two elementary school aged children, both of whom are RDS alumni, and husband to our very own Miss Melissa. I spoke with Chris and Melissa at our Coffee & Learn and knew you needed to hear Chris’ story about how Boyd's words have influenced him. Enjoy!
A few weeks ago, my 8-year-old son Luke’s Little League team found themselves headed into an elimination playoff game on a Tuesday evening. Being that this was the playoffs, the game had been scheduled just a couple of days prior. The game posed a problem for me because I was going to be out of town that day on a work trip. My return flight to Atlanta was scheduled to take off from Memphis at about the same time the game was set to start, so I definitely wasn’t going to make the game.
I didn’t want to not be there to cheer on Luke. And as an assistant coach and the team’s designated pitching machine operator, I didn’t want to let the other coaches and players down. Everyone said they understood. After all, this was a work trip that had been planned well before we knew the Little League playoff schedule, and I have a job that requires travel sometimes. There were plenty of other parents there to cheer the kids on. There were other dads who could step in and run the pitching machine. But I still wanted to be there.
Thankfully, this time, I was able to make it work out. My colleague and I were able to get our work done early, meaning I could change to an earlier flight on Tuesday morning and make it home in time for the game. Problem solved!
Of course, it doesn’t always work this way. The flight can’t always be changed. The meeting can’t always be canceled. So, we’ve got to celebrate the moments when we are able to make things work out.
I’ve had the opportunity to attend two talks given by Boyd Bailey at Redeemer. As expected, Boyd always shares some fantastic tips on being a better husband and father. Among all the stories he told, there is one that has stuck with me. Boyd talked about being an assistant coach of his daughter’s softball team and not really knowing what he was doing, but sticking with it despite sometimes wondering if he was doing any good by being there.
I related to this story well. After all, I didn’t know much about baseball a few years ago. But I knew I wanted to be present and available for my son to spend time with him doing the things he enjoys. As Boyd puts it, we’ve got to “love each child equally, but treat them uniquely” while taking the time to make sure they feel fully known and fully loved. My goal was to be there and spend quality time with my son and his teammates; the coaching part I would just have to figure out.
Boyd’s coaching story was a good illustration of the importance of devoting time to spend with our kids and not giving in to the other competing priorities in our lives. But it was made even more significant when he told us about something he had noticed that same day, just a few hours before the gathering at Redeemer. Walking out of his house, a small plaque caught his eye. He had received it for being an assistant coach. He’d seen it hundreds of times over the past 30+ years, but on this day, right before his talk, he noticed the inscription. He got a little choked up as he read it to us: “To Coach Bailey, For Your Time.” That was the essence of Boyd’s talk: Time. And it was so fitting he had noticed this little detail on his thank you plaque on the day he was set to talk about it. He explained what we’ve already known, that time is a finite resource. We can’t make more of it. Instead, we must make conscious decisions about how to spend the time we’re given. Boyd’s reminder is to “manage your calendar or your calendar will manage you.”
As a dad, we must devote time for connection with the important figures in our lives: God, our wives, our children, and other dads. It’s up to us to make this work out among our busy and competing schedules. It’s not always perfect, but we’re playing a long game. As Boyd said in his most recent talk, “quality time flows out of quantity time.” Every little bit matters. But we have to plan the blocks of time to get there.
All of this has stuck with me since attending Boyd’s talks at Redeemer. It has led me to making different decisions about how I spend my time. I’ve noticed myself asking questions as I plan my days and weeks. Do I really need to stay at work late to make this project a little bit better, or is it good enough? Do I need to say yes to this person, or will it be ok to say no? Do I really need to go to that conference or on that work trip, or can someone else go instead?
The answers to these questions are not always straightforward. After all, my job supports our family, and I can’t just stop doing the things my job requires of me. But I do have more margin and flexibility than I’m sometimes willing to admit. Questioning myself about how I spend my time makes sure I am constantly keeping my priorities in check. And there’s no better time than now, when my kids are young, to make sure I am devoting as much time to them as possible. As Boyd said, “reserve time for those who will sit in the reserved section at your funeral.” What a great reminder!
That’s what I thought about when I was figuring out how to make it to that Little League playoff game a few weeks ago. I could have kept my original plan, been less rushed, and gotten more work done while out of town. But everything aligned to give me a small opportunity, and when I think about the investment of my time, the payoff was way better supporting my son. So, I changed my plans, paid the flight change fee, and gave up my first-class seat to sit in the very last row of the plane. And even though we ended up losing the game, it was totally worth it.
