The Comparison Trap – Causing Pride or Discouragement
Mark Twain, C.S. Lewis, and others have been credited with this quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When we feel superior to those with whom we compare ourselves, we become prideful and smug. On the other hand, when we compare ourselves and feel inferior to others, we can covet, become resentful, or feel anxious. Either response takes our focus off our sovereign God. Either response is self-focused.
Months ago, a well-meaning acquaintance and I were talking, and he was sharing about his mountain home and arrangements for the family’s visit. The conversation was fine until suddenly he realized that he had consumed all the oxygen in the room and in that realization, he quickly pivoted and asked if my husband and I, too, had a mountain home. I did not fault him; it was the ‘norm’ in that circle of folks. In those situations, I can succumb to coveting what others have and lose my joy, quickly falling prey to the comparison trap. For a moment in time, I lost my joy.
I got it back! How? By focusing my head and heart on Jesus (instead of myself and others). The Holy Spirit was free to work, producing fruit (joy) in my life. This joy does not depend on circumstances, bank accounts, cars, homes, vacations, and so forth. Joy is an unshakable contentment rooted in God’s love and our identity in Christ. Joy cannot be found in things nor in our perfected presence on social media. In fact, if there were ever a comparison trap, social media provides it. Sharing posts can represent a life that is staged by pretense - not always, but often. May I encourage you to be forthright with your social media posts? Guard your eyes with social media. More times than not, social media robs us of our joy as our eyes focus on others and then back on ourselves, instead of Jesus. If social media and ‘scrolling’ causes you to stumble and be discontent with the good gifts God has given you, make a conscious decision to do something about it. Cut ties or pray about fasting for a season. Ask the Lord for His will in the matter.
The author Laura Booz says, “I am learning the redemptive purpose of comparison – to help us see our need for God’s saving grace and to help us grow in maturity.” I love that! The act of comparing shows us our need for Jesus! When I had lost my joy, I was making a comparison. Then, I remembered my desperate need for Jesus…we never arrive! As a mama of littles, your days are filled with opportunities to see your need for Jesus, and that is a good thing! Getting your eyes off yourself, you can rest in His perfection as you “put off” self-righteousness or self-condemnation, and “put on” Jesus. Either off ramp leads to the comparison trap of succumbing to pride or envy, covetousness, or self-aggrandizement.
“Fixing our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross.” (Hebrews 12: 2) What was His overcoming joy? Us – you and me! Jesus looked forward to fulfilling the purpose for which He came. That purpose was to redeem a lost and comparison-ridden world. He kept His eye on the prize of us – can you imagine?! And dear friends, we must do the same. Let us keep our eyes, our hearts, and our minds on Jesus and our eternal home where there will be no thoughts of how we do or do not measure up. Until Jesus comes or calls us home, let us set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2) and choose to walk in the joy of our eternal home. If for any reason you are unsure of your eternal home, I would love to talk with you.
