Manners, an Expression of Others Before Self
One thing I love about the South is the notion of southern hospitality, proper etiquette, and lovely manners, especially at social events. At the school where I worked, I recall having a 5th grade Etiquette Luncheon so that students could engage in practicing table manners for the upcoming holidays when grandparents would visit. The fellows wore jackets and ties; the ladies dressed in their finest. And yes, the gentlemen pushed in the chairs for the young ladies.
If we address manners from a biblical view, they are an expression of loving my neighbor as myself; treating others as we would like to be treated – with thoughtfulness and kindness. I love Philippians 2:3, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.” If this is our attitude, good manners will be rooted in biblical love and “please” and “thank you” will be the expressions.
Until a child is beyond his second birthday, it is very difficult to teach him to think of others; your child is self-consumed. Teaching obedience to your directive is key, whether the child understands the ‘why’ or not. However, as we pass that mile-marker, a child should be taught to think of others. Hosting playdates is the perfect opportunity to teach this.
Practicing table manners on Sundays at the dining room table is good preparation for dining at a nice restaurant. When my children were tweens, I bought each a book entitled “The Little Book of Etiquette.” Sometimes, it helps to hear from an ‘expert’ the importance of etiquette dining and proper behavior at events. HINT: the salad fork is on the far left; the dessert fork is at the top of your plate.
If you plan to bring your children to an event, tell them what to expect and how to behave. For example, depending on their age(s), practice how to shake a person’s hand or accept a greeting. Giving eye contact is easier for some children, but all should be taught this. Be sure to have this “best behavior” conversation with them at home and not in the car while in route to the event. Be strategic with your seat selection so that if you need to exit, you can do so without drawing attention to yourself. Taking your child to ‘big church’ is excellent practice for this. When taking your child to a buffet reception, make sure you explain protocol. Children must know how to proceed down the line without touching the food. Depending on your children’s ages, some will handle more formal situations better than others. Age is only one indicator. If the reception room is large, children must be taught not to run. As parents, it is a mistake to think your children should already know this. Some will; most will not. Tell your child to watch what you do as you proceed down the buffet line. Practice using tongs at home, if you think this helpful. Or tell your child to hold his plate, and you place the food on it. Children will ‘act out’ when they are unsure of situations, so it is incumbent upon parents to intentionally teach these nuances.
Focusing on others and not drawing attention to ourselves should be the standard for our behavior when we step out of our homes to attend a special function. There is nothing more endearing to a grandparent or another adult than a child who exhibits thoughtfulness and respect through the display of good manners.
