Principles of Proactive Discipline
While I am certain that you know the definition of discipline, I particularly like Webster’s 1828 definition: “to instruct or educate; to inform the mind; to prepare by instructing in correct principles and habits.” I like this definition because it describes a positive and proactive approach to disciplining, bringing up children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. This approach to discipline is training that teaches and molds a child’s character development.
It is easy to neglect to set behavioral expectations and fall into the trap of parenting/disciplining as an afterthought or as a reactionary response. In other words, it is important to set your child up for success by explaining your expectations ahead of time. The culprit: (a) a hurried lifestyle, or (b) the lack of understanding of a positive approach to disciplining. Hopefully, this M.M. will help with (b).
For example, if you are going to the store, explain your expectation for appropriate behavior. Something as simple as saying, “Sweetie, you are going to the grocery store with me so that I can buy food to prepare our dinner tonight. I love it when just you and mommy can do something together! I only need eight things so it will not take long. You may ride in the cute little driving-cart, or you may walk by my side. You may select a couple of kinds of fruit for our fresh fruit salad tonight. You can even help me make it when we get home. This is your part in helping mommy (or daddy) get ready for dinner. We work together in our family, and we all do our part. I know you can do your part since you are becoming such a big boy (or girl). It is fun to see you grow and become a good helper! I expect you not to fuss nor ask for anything. This is quick trip, remember? Do you understand how I expect you to behave?”
There. Your expectations are set and positively stated!
If we look at Hebrews 12, we can see about twelve principles of discipline taken from June Hunt’s book, “God’s Heart on Parenting,” that will guide us. Reread the grocery store example to see many of these principles set in motion.
VS. 5 – Discipline is essential, is positive, and is meant to encourage.
VS. 6 - Discipline is an expression of love and acceptance.
VS. 7 – Discipline is a part of healthy parent-child relationships.
VS. 8 – Discipline builds a sense of security in your child.
VS. 9 – Discipline builds respect; you took the time to set boundaries and expectations.
VS. 10 – Discipline develops godly characteristics and validates your child’s ability to be successful.
VS. 11 – Disciplining and giving consequences is painful (both for the child and parent).
VS. 11 – Discipline produces right living and peace.
VS. 11 – Discipline must be consistent. Give your child clear expectations, setting the stage for success.
VS. 12 – Discipline, to be accepted, requires strength (to follow through on your word).
VS. 13 – Discipline brings healing (to the heart and soul of the child) when correction is necessary.
May this bring encouragement to your heart as you proactively disciple your child(ren).
If you would like to reach out to Jeannie, you may email her at jbrostrand@redeemerdayschool.org.