Teaching Your Children Right and Wrong ALONG with the Gospel
I was given a week-long challenge to not gossip, complain, criticize, blame, nor defend. In my times of complaining or defending, I was trusting in my own self-righteousness, rather than, by faith, appropriating my righteousness in Christ. And yet, somehow, we expect more from young children because we have told them once, and somehow, we think once is enough. This ‘tongue assignment’ showed me that I need Jesus every moment of every day in order that I might live out the gospel in my speech and my actions.
What is the implication of this for parenting? A wise pastor said to me this very week when I asked him about teaching children; “I teach my children right and wrong, and at the same time, I tell them about the gospel.” When you fail as a parent (as we all will), repent, confess, and thank Jesus for His forgiveness. MODEL that in front of your children, rather than excuse-making or self-righteous behavior which can beget pride and drive us away from the cross and our need for Jesus.
This pastor-friend went on to explain with the following paragraph taken from the book “Sophie and the Heidelberg Cat”.
“The Bible tells stories of hundreds of people, and all of them disobey God…except one. So hope doesn’t come from the good things we do. It comes as a gift, from what Jesus has done. You’ve trusted in him, so he’s paid for your sins, and thrown them all into the depths of the sea. By rising again, he has broken the power of death, and the devil, and let you go free. He watches your life. He makes all things work out. He helps you make choices. He tells you what’s true. He promises you’ll live forever with him. And that’s why the hope comes from him, not from you.”
This wise pastor-parent continued, “Moralism says, be a good person by striving towards being better and doing better by your own effort, and when that fails (which it will), then we tend to go towards an external righteousness to cover our failure and present a false reality to others like the Pharisees did. At this point all we are looking for in a child is behavior modification when the goal of parenting should be to engage the heart and shepherd it toward the gospel. When the heart is changed, then the real, deep behavior changes can take place.” As parents, we are to help our children see their need for a Savior. Biblical righteousness comes only when a person (child or adult) recognizes that he or she cannot live the righteous life apart from Christ. This is what the ‘Heidelberg cat’ told Sophie - the gift of hope is only from what Jesus has done.
I recall last year, when during our book study, one of our RDS moms shared the most profound truth she learned in her home where her parents lived their faith in Christ. She said, “My mom openly showed us repentance, and it has made a huge impact in my life.” I stood dead still in my tracks. My mind thought: oh, how I would like a do-over with my own children in this regard.
Recently, I was listening to Billy Graham’s granddaughter being interviewed, and she answered the question, “What did your grandfather teach you about Jesus?” She responded, “He was consistent. He was the same man when we visited him in his home as when we saw him on the television during crusades. He was kind, attentive, interested in his grandchildren’s lives and looked us straight in the eye as if to say, “You are the only person on earth who matters right now.” Do we walk out the gospel in front of our children? We won’t be perfect, of course, but perhaps we can model confession, repentance, forgiveness, and pray for their hearts to see their need for a Savior.
