The Comparison Trap – Causing Pride or Discouragement
Mark Twain, C.S. Lewis, and others have been credited with this quote, “Comparison robs us of joy.” When we feel superior to those with whom we compare ourselves, we become prideful and smug. On the other hand, when we compare ourselves and feel inferior to others, we can covet, become resentful, or feel anxious. Either response takes our focus off our sovereign God, His love, our identity in Christ, the truth of Scripture, and our eternal perspective on life. Either response is self-focused.
Recently a well-meaning acquaintance and I were talking, and he was sharing about his mountain home and arrangements for the family’s visit. The conversation was fine until suddenly he realized that he had consumed all the oxygen in the room and in that realization, he quickly pivoted and asked if my husband and I, too, had a mountain home. I did not fault him; it was the ‘norm’ in that circle. In those situations, I can succumb to coveting what others have and lose my joy as I fall prey to the comparison trap.
If comparison robs us of joy, how do we define joy? Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, along with eight others, as stated in Galatians 5:22. When we are reliant upon and abiding in Jesus, the Holy Spirit produces fruit (joy) in our lives. This joy does not depend on circumstances, bank accounts, cars, homes, vacations, and so forth. Joy is an unshakable contentment rooted in God’s love and our identity in Christ. Joy cannot be found in things nor in our perfected presence on social media. In fact, if there were ever a comparison trap, social media provides it. Sharing postings can represent a life that is staged by pretense - not always, but often. May I encourage you to be forthright with your postings? Guard your eyes with social media. More times than not, social media robs us of our joy as our eyes focus on others and then back on ourselves, instead of Jesus. If social media causes you to stumble and be discontent with the good gifts God has given you, make a conscious decision to do something about it. Cut ties or pray about fasting for a season. Ask the Lord for His will in the matter.
The author of our book study shifts our focus of the word comparison. She says, “I am learning the
redemptive purpose of comparison – to help us see our need for God’s saving grace and to help us grow in maturity.” I love that! As a mama of littles, your days are filled with opportunities to see your need for Jesus, and that is a good thing! Getting your eyes off yourself and onto the One who formed you in your mother’s womb, you can rest in His perfection, casting off the blanket of self-righteousness or self-condemnation that leads to the comparison trap of pride, envy, jealousy, or self-gratification.
Seeing our need for God’s saving grace, may the joy of the Lord strengthen you each day (Nehemiah
8:10). This joy is not found anywhere other than in a personal relationship with Jesus and comes from an eternal perspective on life. Hebrews 12:2 says, “Fixing our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross.” What was His overcoming joy? Us – you and me. Jesus looked forward to fulfilling the purpose for which He came. That purpose was to redeem a lost and comparison-ridden world and to restore what was lost in the Garden. He kept His eye on the prize of us – can you imagine?! And dear friends, we must do the same. Let us keep our eyes, our hearts, and our minds on Jesus and our eternal home where there will be no thoughts of how we do or do not measure up. Until Jesus comes or calls us home, let us set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2) and walk in the joy of our eternal home. If for any reason you are unsure of your eternal home, I would love to talk with you.