Training for First Time Obedience
One of the questions we are asked most often at RDS is related to obedience. Based on Scripture, as parents, you are God’s design for authority over your children until they enter adulthood. From time to time, parents marvel at how our RDS teachers gain obedience in the classroom. Want to know their secret? They project their God-given authority (in locus parentis) and train over and over, expecting nothing less than obedience, no matter how much practice and training it takes. We have been in school almost three weeks, and they are still training your children for classroom routines and behavioral expectations. They are committed to what is best for your children, and parents, I know you are, too!
If you have been lax in this area and desire to do a refresh, here are a few suggestions. In a few words explain to your child how you are answerable to God for your child’s training, and you and Daddy are making some changes (if, indeed, this is the case). This is a respectful way to approach a change and inform your child of the new expectations geared toward first-time obedience. Use your good judgment on explaining this with the least number of words possible.
After setting the new expectations, here are some ideas from Elisabeth Elliot regarding implementation:
1) Make sure you have your child’s attention by looking him in the eye. 2) Speak in an even, normal tone in a manner that communicates you expect nothing less than obedience (your teacher voice). Address him by name, then give the directive using a few words, such as, “Billy, put on your coat.” Or “The next thing you need to do is________________.” 3) Do not speak the word “okay?” at the end of your directive. You don’t need your child’s buy-in.
Give a few seconds for the message to be understood. If the directive is not obeyed, speak his name again and ask, “Billy, what did I say?” If you are training a child who is not yet talking well, he may not be able to repeat you, but he should be able to obey you. If his will is overriding your directive, that is considered disobedience, and a consequence should be immediately delivered. You should decide what is appropriate based on age. Be consistent here. If you are too tired or unwilling to inspect what you expect (put your toys away, for example), don’t give a directive. If you do, you are giving the idea that what you say really doesn’t matter. Your word must be consistent.
You are training for first time obedience and tell your child that this is the expectation. Be patient but expectant; you and your child are both breaking a habit. (I am assuming, and it just may not be the case). Then, put everything else on hold and practice first time obedience. It will be challenging work, but do not give up. Pray for your child; that God would do a work in his/her heart. Here is an acrostic I wrote to help solidify the ideas in this post: TRAIN
T = teach for first time obedience.
R = repeat and practice procedures and outcomes.
A = accept the fact this takes time and patience—do not quit, nor give up on your child or yourself.
I = inspect what you expect.
N = never grow weary, nor stop praying for God to grab the heart of your child. We want heart-felt obedience, not just outward obedience.
Keep the long view in mind. Discipline and disciple today for the adult your child will become.
